mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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