I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
