There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
