After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
