Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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