quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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