My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
