So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
