I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
birth control should be required to get into college
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
