so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
how does that bad decision feel?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
