At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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