Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
the raccoons are back...
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