I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
