I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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