sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
