Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
