I just made out with a guy for $7.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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