I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
