just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
