I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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