the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
