I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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