omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
