How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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