My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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