My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
