She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
