Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
