I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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