She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
