Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
