He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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