My Higher Power is John Stamos
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
