I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
