Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You ate ashes out of my bong
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
