Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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