you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
