I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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