I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i think my cat just said my name.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
