U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
