He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
