I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
