Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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