I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
