Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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