Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
smell my finger.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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