you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
