I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize