You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
