Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
