you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
then he tried to convert me to islam
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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