We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
