i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
