Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
