hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
