So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
