I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Me too!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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