No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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