At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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