Barsexuality is the new black.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
